Meet the Charrion family! I met this blessed family earlier this year capturing their baby's first few hours here on earth (blog post here). Honestly, there is nothing more beautiful! I remember walking into that hospital room seeing everyone's faces beaming with pure joy. I also remember, there was an instant connection, a connection where I felt we've known each other for years! I was SO thrilled when they contacted me for some updated family photos - that ment I get to hang out with this family again AND see how much Beau has grown! We planned a sunset session, but instead it was a very gloomy evening with a hint of sunshine towards the end. That evening, as we walked down the beach carrying dozens of balloons in every color of the rainbow, this sweet family shared something beautiful with me. Baby Beau is a rainbow baby. As we were finishing up their session, we took a moment to let the rainbow balloons go. To some it's a way of saying goodbye but to some it's saying, "little one, we'll meet you in heaven one day". I asked them to share a bit about their journey in hope that this will encourage other mama's going through a similar life situation. Before you read their beautiful story, you probably should grab a box of tissues, 'cause I couldn't hold back my tears.
"We waited some time to start trying after we had our first son. We got pregnant on our first try with him and had zero fear! We decided it was time and we got pregnant on our first try again. JOY! Unspeakable joy. Two days before my sons 2nd birthday I began to bleed. The day after his birthday we lost our sweet baby at 9 weeks. Nothing can prepare you for something like this. And it is something that we kept pretty private. It's not something that people regularly talk about. It's a hard thing to talk about. Nobody knows what to say, because in reality there is literally nothing anyone can say that will make things better despite their good intentions. Our baby never lived on earth, our baby never saw hate, sorrow, the ugly of the world, when our baby opened its eyes, it saw joy, which brings me peace. But I don't have any memories to look back and laugh about, to cry over, they are just dreams of what I thought could be. Which is such a different kind of grief. What our baby would look like. Would he have my eyes? Would she grow up to be a doctor? Would Hunter be the best big brother in the world? I don't know. And I'll never get the chance to know, which is such a deep form of grief, losing something you already love so much but never getting to meet them. Accepting that the dreams you had will always be just that, dreams. Fear of not knowing if you may ever get to experience that miracle again. Keep trying. It's an easy thing to say.
Months and months quickly turned into a year. Positive test after positive test, just to find out they were all chemical pregnancies. A rollercoaster I just wanted to get off. I remember when one of my dear friends was struggling for years, I had thought to myself "if they'd just stop trying, they'd probably get pregnant. Just stop worrying about it." I am so ashamed of the person that said that and grateful I never said it aloud. It's easy to say when you're not in that situation. But, quickly it overcomes you. Consumes every thought. All that on top of grief. The day before my husbands birthday I lay in bed praying, thinking again I may be pregnant. I planned on taking a test that next morning. "God, please just give me a sign. Please let this be for real" I lay awake that night scrolling through Facebook when I came across a picture a photographer I follow had posted. A sweet squishy baby wrapped in a rainbow swaddle. Ten tiny fingers. And the post read "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born. Isaiah 66:9" my thoughts fell silent.
The picture read "A rainbow baby is a baby born following the loss of an angel baby. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is something beautiful and full of light has appeared, in the midst of the darkness and clouds." I was dumbfounded. Did God really hear my small voice? The next morning I took a test while at work. Two pink lines! Brighter than the past ones. I wanted to feel joy, but fear overcame me. I didn't know how many more times I could go through this. I went back to my desk and pulled up the image of the baby and began to cry. The size of your worry is a reflection of the size of your faith. I decided I'd tell my husband that night, I knew God had a plan. He had given me a sign. That night I wrapped the tests in a box and gave it to him as a gift. His initial reaction was excitement, then a look of fear washed over his face. I knew he felt the same way. He asked if I was sure. And I told him the story of the picture. He delighted in that. Fear still deep in the soul. We sat down for dinner with his brother and sister in law. We were enjoying conversation when she noticed something. (So you understand, our home is completely shaded by trees. There is a tiny spot in our backyard that we can see the sky through) "wow! Look at that rainbow" she said. And sure enough as if God had laid his hand right on my shoulder and told me everything was going to be alright, the biggest, most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen. I grabbed my son and ran to the fence, tears ran down my face. JOY. Unspeakable joy. Fast forward to January 26, 2017. Welcome to the world Baby Beau, we've been praying for you."
Wow, aren't you completely blown away by their testimony?! Our God is SO good, He hears our prayers, He knows are needs, desires and He certainly never leaves our side. Charrion family, thank you for sharing your story, I pray your testimony touches many other struggling families. Wishing your family many more blessings and a lifetime of happiness in Him!